Lord Bonkers' Diary: A crew for the Flower of Rutland

With characteristic speed, yesterday's resolution is put into effect. Alfred has wandered in unbidden from Toad of Toad Hall, A.A. Milne's stage adaptation of The Wind in the Willows.

Tuesday

I spend the day on the speaking telephone assembling a crew for the Flower of Rutland. I, of course, am the captain, but Paddy Ashplant will make a splendid second-in-command and navigator – it has rightly been said that there is nothing more dangerous than a British officer with a map.

For muscle (opening locks, coiling ropes and so forth) who better than Jo Swinson and Layla Moran? Come to that, who better for ship’s cook than Cook from Bonkers Hall? Finally, we have a Well-Behaved Orphan as cabin boy so that (as is traditional) we have someone to eat in case of emergency – not that there is much meat on him if I am honest.

As to motive power, I sign up Alfred, a horse from one of the estate farms. “If it’s not delivering Focus it’s hauling narrow boats,” he remarks morosely.

Lord Bonkers was Liberal MP for Rutland South West 1906-10.

Previously in Lord Bonkers' Diary...

• The Rutland Union Canal