Lord Bonkers' Diary: Elven archers and Well-Behaved Orphans

And so, as piracy is driven from the Rutland Union Canal (and from the hills of High Leicestershire more generally), we bid farewell to Lord Bonkers and his many friends and helpers.

Sunday

What a battle it was! The pirates were assailed from all sides by elven archers and Well-Behaved Orphans with catapults. Then they faced close combat from gamekeepers armed with orchard doughties and badgers armed with powerful jaws.

Eventually, Cook freed herself from her bonds and (before untying Jo Swinson, Layla Moran and Paddy Ashplant) fetched the pirate captain a fearful blow over the head with her soup ladle. After that the fight rather went out of them.

I have not enjoyed a holiday so much in years. Not only that: with a spot of restoration the Rutland Union Canal will make ideal cruising for the more adventurous boater. I think a horse-drawn hotel boat would also prove popular, but I shall pick my moment before suggesting it to Alfred.

Lord Bonkers was Liberal MP for Rutland South West 1906-10.

Previously in Lord Bonkers' Diary...

• The Rutland Union Canal
• A crew for the Flower of Rutland
• The Great Seal of Rutland dives in
• Somewhere in High Leicestershire
• Why are there so many orphans in Rutland?
• Gamekeepers, elves and so forth