Thursday, August 09, 2018

Lord Bonkers' Diary: Somewhere in High Leicestershire

Reader's voice: Isn't this meant to be political satire?

Liberal England replies: Lord Bonkers and his diaries are protean. This week I am deepening readers' understanding of his character and those of his associates while exploring the landscape he loves.

Reader does not give up: So you are just being self indulgent?

Liberal England has the last word: Yes, but you have given me the chance to do the sort of self-referential piece that everyone has copied from Stewart Lee.


The morning begins on a distasteful note when I find the Elves of Rockingham F. have charged me mooring fees for yesterday evening – particularly galling as these are my woods. I find myself somewhat in sympathy with Cook’s view that they are “nasty heathen things,” but it is best to keep in with these fellows. I have Tom post a cheque at the first sub post office we encounter.

Matters do not improve, for we find the canal increasingly hard going. Locks are jammed, the channel silted and weeded, and the sun beats down without mercy. If it were not for the brute strength of Alfred (and Jo Swinson and Layla Moran) we should make no progress at all. “It’s all too reminiscent of the Barnsley Central by-election,” Alfred remarks.

In the cool of the evening we moor outside a public house somewhere in the wilds of High Leicestershire. The landlord and locals are adamant that we should venture no further west, warning of “pirates” if you please. What rot!

Lord Bonkers was Liberal MP for Rutland South West 1906-10.

Previously in Lord Bonkers' Diary...

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