Wednesday, August 08, 2018

Lord Bonkers' Diary: The Great Seal of Rutland dives in

So far things are going surprisingly well with the old boy's voyage along the Rutland Union Canal.


A splendid first day, though Ruttie, the Rutland Water Monster, is in playful mood when we enter the first lock and almost capsizes us. Then we take a wrong turning and perform two laps of the moat at Bonkers Hall without Ashplant noticing anything amiss before the Great Seal of Rutland dives in to show us the way out. As we pass through villages, locals come out to cheer and warn us of shallows and shoals ahead.

We moor for the evening on a wooded stretch and soon meet the King of the Badgers at the head of a hunting party. He promises to Have A Word with the foxes who have been depredating my tenants’ chicken runs and in return I undertake to give Gove one up the snoot the very next time an opportunity presents itself.

Then we hear strange music and see lights among the trees. Who should it be but my old friends the Elves of Rockingham Forest? What an evening we have! The elves play their ancient songs (aeolian cadences and so forth) while I supply a selection of music hall songs upon the banjulele.

Ashplant then tells an amusing anecdote about two tribes of his acquaintance, and Tom, the aforementioned Well-Behaved Orphan and cabin boy, proves to have the sort of voice that moves elderly ladies to weep and dig deeply into their purses when the communion plate is passed around. I shall recommend him to the Revd Hughes.

Lord Bonkers was Liberal MP for Rutland South West 1906-10.

Previously in Lord Bonkers' Diary...

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