Friday, August 10, 2018

Lord Bonkers' Diary: Why are there so many orphans in Rutland?

In which young Tom asks a question that has long troubled me too.


I write these lines having been cast adrift in an open boat after the Flower of Rutland was seized by pirates. At least they were proper pirates – wooden legs, hooked hands, parrots – not like those rather disappointing Somalis one used to see on the television news. Mind you, I do not appreciate beings addressed as a “scurvy dog” – by the pirate captain or his parrot.

My only companion is Tom, who proves a quick-witted child as he has smuggled some bottles of Smithson & Greaves Northern Bitter aboard under the very noses of the pirates. Perhaps he is too quick-witted: “Why are there so many orphans in Rutland, your lordship?” he asks with a steady gaze.

Lord Bonkers was Liberal MP for Rutland South West 1906-10.

Previously in Lord Bonkers' Diary...

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