Lord Bonkers' Diary: "That tangerine baboon you have in the White House"

I can confirm that Lord Bonkers really did write this entry just before the first results in the US Presidential election were declared.

People make cynical remarks about his Marconi share and the number of orphans in Rutland, but there is no denying it: he's a wise old bird.

So, on this note of triumph, let's end our week at Bonkers Hall.

Wednesday

I write these words in front of the Library fire as the first results are about to come in from America.

When I spoke to the Governor of New Rutland – the State founded by settlers who left Oakham Quay aboard the Mayfly – he was confident that the forces of light will prevail. “But what,” I asked him, “if that tangerine baboon you have in the White House refuses to accept defeat?” His answer is that they would “send in the seals”. 

As I pointed out, if you want an animal to do that job then sea lions are a better bet: they are more aggressive and if it turns into a siege they could balance balls on their noses and play horns to entertain the children. Still, I did offer the services of The Great Seal of Rutland. Though of a naturally pacific disposition, he could undoubtedly come up with a good left hook if called upon to do so.

Lord Bonkers was Liberal MP for Rutland South West, 1906-10.

Previously in Lord Bonkers Diary...

• Thursday: Tinkering with a cafetiere
• Friday: Bottomley went to gaol and Stead went down with the Titanic
• Saturday: "I see you have woken up and smelt the coffee"
• Sunday: Buffy the Umpire Slayer
• Monday: "One of the bonobos has taken over for the time being"
• Tuesday: "I’m much cheaper than those elves, dearie"