Sunday, April 12, 2009

Lord Bonkers' Diary: The life of St Vincent de Cable

And so another week at Bonkers Hall draws to its close.


When word got around that the Reverend Hughes’s sermon today would take the form of a mediation upon the life of St Vincent de Cable, it became the hottest ticket in town. The queue began to form at St Asquith’s lych-gate yesterday evening and I did my best to make the time pass quickly for the would-be congregation by accompanying myself upon the banjolele whilst singing that old music hall standard, “So I Gave it a Whack With me Old Orchard Doughty”.

The Revd does not let us down and treats us to the complete story of my old friend “High Voltage” Cable: his humble birth in York, his feeding of Africa, his unfortunate “Glasgow Heresy”, his discovery of oil beneath the North Sea, his election for Twickenham, his dancing, his forecast of seven lean years to follow seven fat ones and his talks with the bees. (I expect that is where the expression “a buzz of conversation” comes from).

After that little lot, it is no surprise that the collection plate is positively overflowing and we shall be able to proceed with the restoration of the stained glass window depicting Mark Bonham-Carter’s victory in the Great Torrington by-election.

Lord Bonkers was Liberal MP for Rutland South-West 1906-10.

The week so far

Thursday: Titter

Saturday: Po's booze hell

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