Sunday, September 17, 2017

Lord Bonkers' Diary: Night-time cricket against the Elves of Rockingham Forest

Lord Bonkers sees history made at Edgbaston and gives us a further insight into his uneasy relationship with some prominent local inhabitants.


Here in Rutland night-time cricket is well established thanks to the Elves of Rockingham Forest and their torches, even if I will swear they shine more brightly when the Elves are batting. Still, it is best not to fall out with these fellows, as I found when I suggested they were achieving reverse swing by underhand means. ”High Elven Magic” my foot! They were using a bottle top to lift the seam.

Where was I? Ah yes, it is best not to fall out with the Elves: last time I did it took simply ages to persuade them to turn my gardener Meadowcroft back into Meadowcroft from being a frog.

Day-night cricket is, however, a new venture for the England test team, so I thought myself something of a pioneer when I had myself driven to Edgbaston for its first such test. I was delighted that a whole row in the Hollies Stand was dressed as me, complete with false moustaches, even though I was in dressing gown and pyjamas myself. I was proud to lead them in many choruses of… well, of the songs played by my stables carillon, as it happens.

The only trouble is that I could have sworn the ball was a lurid pink, which clearly cannot have been the case. I have therefore made an appointment to have my eyes examined. (Could it be that Nanny was right after all?)

The general view was that I should see an optometrist, so that is what I am going to do this afternoon. It will be a pleasure to meet someone who always looks on the bright side of things.

Lord Bonkers was Liberal MP for Rutland South-West 1906-10.

Previously in Lord Bonkers' Diary

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