Lord Bonkers' Diary: We found them Terribly Fiddly

I might have known who was behind this policy. At lunchtime on the Saturday I left Lord Bonkers to his own devices and went to look for the blue plaque on Frankie Howerd's childhood home.

Saturday

I brave the crowd of placard-waving badgers to enter the conference. Who should I meet but Freddie and Fiona? 

“Ed’s going to announce that the Liberal Democrats will be the first party with its own nuclear deterrent.” “’I want an atomic bomb with a bloody bird of liberty on it,’ he’ll say.” “We’d like the submarine to live in Rutland Water so we can keep an eye on it at weekends.” 

I ask who they imagine will command this vessel and they are ready with their reply. “Roz Savage!” they chorus triumphantly. “She’s rowed across three oceans in a little boat: that must be much more difficult.” I further ask if they have considered what the voters will make of this scheme, and am told: “It polls well with psychopaths in our target seats in the Home Counties.” 

My first thought is that Ruttie – my old friend the Rutland Water Monster – may not appreciate this intrusion upon her “manor”; moreover, I inform F&F, we once tried splitting atoms at the University of Rutland and found them Terribly Fiddly. I put in a speaker’s card to move a reference back.

Lord Bonkers was Liberal MP for Rutland South West, 1906-10.

Earlier this week...

• In the corners, nooks and crannies
• “It’s not your aerial, it’s your constitution”
• Look out for the Chesham Bois
• Unpleasant scenes outside the hall
• Today even their gaunt ruins have been razed