Saturday, February 03, 2018

Lord Bonkers' Diary: Defying the Sprout Police

You may recall that, just before Christmas, Leicestershire County Council announced that a single portion of sprouts consisted of six - no more, no less. 

The old boy was having none of it.

Defying the Sprout Police

One of the great occasions of the year here on the Bonkers Hall Estate is Christmas Eve. Dressed in a red suit, I visit the cottages of my tenants and hand over hampers of fine things to eat and drink: a goose from the Home Farm; pies and puddings from the kitchens at the Hall; a bottle of Meadowcroft’s parsnip wine (which would make anyone merry).

I am always accompanied by a flock of Well-Behaved Orphans dressed as elves (adds to the festive effect, don’t you think?), but this year I took the precaution of adding a brace of gamekeepers armed with orchard doughties to the company.

Because one of the traditions of these hampers is that every tenant receives precisely seven Brussels sprouts. Yet a few days before Christmas there went out a decree from the Conservative-run Leicestershire County Council’s Sprout Compliance Unit saying no one should eat more than six of the things. I wasn’t having that – hence the extra muscle on hand on Christmas Eve.

Perhaps because we had also doubled the guard on the border, I am able to report that Leicestershire’s hated Sprout Police made no attempt to enter Rutland during the festive season, so a merry Christmas was enjoyed by all.

Lord Bonkers was Liberal MP for Rutland South West, 1906-10.

Previously in Lord Bonkers' Diary

No comments: