Monday, April 09, 2018

Lord Bonkers' Diary: The Beast from the East

I have done all I can to put it off, but the new Liberator also includes Lord Bonkers' Diary. The first entry this time clearly dates from March.


The snow has drifted high against the hedges and no traffic can reach the village, let alone tackle the drive to the Hall. If it weren’t for the secret passage that comes out in the cellar of the Bonkers' Arms, I would feel quite isolated. My fellow drinkers tell me this spell of hard weather is being called 'The Beast from the East,' which reminds me of our own Liberal Democrats’ leadership contest in 2015.

When Farron failed to give me assurances that he would not rip the pews out of St Asquith’s and make everybody sing 'Shine, Jesus, Shine,' I threw my weight behind Norman Lamb. "What you need," I told him, "is a good nickname. Why, it was when I christened Sugar Ray Michie ‘the Brute from Bute’ that she began to get title fights at the Empire Pool, Wembley, and it was the fame those won her that got her elected to Parliament." So it as that I came up with ‘The Beast from the East.’

Sadly, he ignored my advice and chose to run under the slogan "Vote Lib Dem and we’ll let you top yourself." While this undoubtedly had some appeal to exhausted canvassers, it did not prove sufficient to swing the party behind him.

Lord Bonkers was Liberal MP for Rutland South West, 1906-10.

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