Lord Bonkers' Diary: The Well-Behaved Orphans have been carefully measured

It was only last Sunday that I sent Lord Bonkers' latest diary off to Liberator HQ in London. On Friday the printed magazine arrived.

Which means that I can offer you what may fairly be described as topical satire.

Monday

This is usually a quiet time of year in Rutland. There is nothing to hear but the chatter of hamwees massing on the telegraph wires before they fly south for the winter (or are they wheways returning from the Arctic?), the swish swish of Meadowcroft’s broom as he sweeps up the fallen leaves and his grumbling when  he has to put back the sundial in my walled garden.

This year, however, is very different. As soon as the general election was called I had the Green Ballroom readied for action. Banks of telephones were installed along with the very latest electric computers, and the room is now dominated by a map of Rutland Water and its shores - pretty WAAFS and Wrens push little models of destroyers and fighter planes across it.

Meanwhile, the Well-Behaved Orphans have been carefully measured to see what depth of snowdrift would prevent them from delivering leaflets. The balloon may have only just gone up, but we are ready for action.

Lord Bonkers was Liberal MP for Rutland South West, 1906-10.